From the chapter ‘Health‘
Robin Hewings, Director of Programmes at the Campaign to End Loneliness
Good and nourishing relationships are a vital part of growing up. Loneliness is what we feel when we do not have the social relationships we need, and it particularly affects children. We do not know if children today are lonelier than earlier generations because we’ve only started asking them in a particularly systematic way in the last few years.[i]
Now that we’re regularly asking them, we know that about one in ten 11- to 16-year-olds is chronically lonely.[ii] That’s double the proportion of adults. What is meant by ‘chronic loneliness’ is that it is when people feel lonely all – or most – of the time. It’s a sense that loneliness is what your life is like. The Campaign to End Loneliness has focused on this phenomenon for the last decade, through developing the evidence about loneliness and bringing together the many different organisations that care about this issue. We also make the case for action right across society – whether that is working with small local organisations to working with MPs and the British Red Cross to run the all-party parliamentary group on the issue.
Loneliness is always hard. But chronic loneliness is different to feeling lonely for a short period as friendships adjust. An example in childhood might be joining a new school – it’s not easy, but in the right environment the vast majority of children can adapt quickly. Being lonely can be a useful spur to picking up the phone or doing something nice. It’s a bit like thirst – a sign that we need to do something about our situation.
But chronic loneliness seeps deep inside us. It affects how we think about ourselves and our relationships. We lose self-confidence that people would want to be our friends. It makes us brood about the past. We notice slights, jokes that went wrong, silly arguments much more than we otherwise would. It creates a downward spiral that can cause us to withdraw from meaningful social interactions. It’s a catch-22 – we want to reach out, but when we’re lonely it’s harder than ever before. Many of us can remember times when loneliness started affecting us like this.
As part of the wider movement to value and talk about our mental well-being, loneliness has risen up the national debate in the last decade. In that time there has been a growing sense that loneliness is going from an issue that people sing songs about to something that we actually try to tackle in an organised way. This is not just in the UK where there are loneliness strategies covering England, Scotland and Wales, with an energetic campaign for one in Northern Ireland. In Europe, Denmark is developing its strategy. The 2021 G7 summit communiqué commits the UK to working with their Japanese counterparts who have appointed their own Cabinet-level minister for loneliness. The Campaign to End Loneliness helped found the Global Initiative on Loneliness and Connection to press for government leadership. The first event was held in 2021, with the US Surgeon-General, Vivek Murthy, and the Initiative already has representation from all inhabited continents.
This movement began with a focus on older people, but our understanding that this is an issue that affects people of all ages is ever growing.
This was an insight of the then Labour MP Jo Cox, whose own experiences of loneliness at university led her to set up a commission on loneliness with the Conservative MP Seema Kennedy in 2016. After her murder in 2016, the Jo Cox Commission on Loneliness,[iii] whose recommendations were overwhelmingly accepted by Theresa May’s government, led to a much more rounded understanding of loneliness. It can affect us all.
Reflecting the truth that Raising the Nation highlights – that society is what happens when children grow up – a lot of people who are lonely say that it feels like something that started in their childhood and can keep on returning. We clearly need to do better.
To get to a society where children do not get stuck in the catch-22 of loneliness there are practical steps that can be taken. If, as a society, we are to build a future where all children can thrive, then our children need to have the relationships that give them meaning, purpose and value as they go through their lives. A lot of children are lonely because of bad relationships rather than a lack of social contact, with bullying in particular taking a heavy toll.[iv] We also need to get back to things governments should always be doing, such as reducing child poverty and social exclusion[v] so people have the resources to engage in everyday social life including school trips, having your friend over for tea and birthday parties.
Taking loneliness seriously means going beyond this. Since the 1960s the independent mobility of children has dropped off a cliff.[vi] Our environment means that parents allow fewer children to pop down the shops, to play in the street or to meet in the park. Improved safety from road traffic and addressing other parental worries could really help give our children more opportunities for connection.
Children need to get about more easily, as well as places to connect to and feel welcome. New research[vii] backs up the idea that loneliness is influenced by where we live. Loneliness in 16- to 24-year-olds varies between different local authority areas of the UK by 5 to 8 per cent, even after taking account of other factors known to influence loneliness. Better quality neighbourhoods lead to fewer young people being lonely. The study also found that loneliness was higher among those from sexual minorities, and that this was worse in some places than others, suggesting there is more to do to tackle prejudice and support connection in this group.
Similarly, loneliness varies a good deal by school, and we need to help schools tackle this issue by talking about it, monitoring it and supporting better mental health. A recent study[viii] shows one way that schools can reduce loneliness and support other aspects of well-being is through a programme delivered by classroom teachers that promotes emotional awareness and understanding, positive self-esteem, self-control and interpersonal problem-solving skills. It includes specific lessons on loneliness, making and keeping friends, and increasing awareness and understanding of difficult emotions.
In the online world, we need to regulate social media companies so that they collect and share evidence about the effects of their products on children. It is preposterous that basic knowledge about the mental well-being of our young people is being left to brave whistle-blowers such as Frances Haugen who leaked important research about the effects of Instagram on teenage girls.[ix] The research[x] we have already shows that so-called ‘upwards social comparison’ – looking at the feed and comparing your life to the images being presented – is a disaster for feelings of loneliness.[xi] Children are seeing the most polished, unrealistic versions of other people’s lives and inevitably compare to the reality of their own.
As well as conducting and publishing research into their platforms, the social media companies need to be clear about how they are going to stop these harms, perhaps through changing algorithms and enforcing age restrictions. A clear threat of regulation is needed to concentrate minds and secure action.
On top of these policies for the whole population, children who find themselves in the cycle of loneliness need specific, targeted support. There is a dearth of research in this area, but a good pointer for what could help comes from the Netherlands. Join Us is in 60 municipalities and has helped thousands of children and young people. Groups are for either 12–18s or 18–25s; they use a mix of cognitive behavioural therapies to help them notice and address negative thoughts and styles of thinking. They also give training in social skills and host fun social events so the children have a chance to put into practice what they have learned. They’re having a measurable impact on the loneliness and broader well-being of those who take part.[xii]
Work on loneliness in children and young people is, ironically, in its infancy. I believe we can get to a society that values relationships and abhors what makes us feel excluded so that we can live in a world where no child gets stuck in loneliness. Some of this is about prevention: using the stick of regulation to make sure social media is a positive place to connect rather than a cause of anxiety and loneliness, equipping children with the skills to develop successful relationships and making sure they have the places and spaces to actually use those skills. It means that children would be good at forming friendships and have resilience to draw on when things don’t go to plan. It would also mean that there is a playground or a youth group they can go to without their parents worrying about whether they will get there safely.
However, we will never be able to stop all children from being lonely, so we need to identify them and get them the right support, as is increasingly happening in the Netherlands.
Recommendations for national action by the Jo Cox Loneliness Commission
National leadership:
- A UK-wide Strategy for Loneliness across all ages.
- A nominated lead minister.
- A Family and Relationships Test for new policy.
Measuring progress:
- A national indicator on loneliness across all ages.
- Measures of loneliness included in major national studies.
- Annual reporting on loneliness.
- A programme to develop the evidence around ‘what works’ in tackling loneliness.
- Easy-to-understand messages to help individuals connect with others and avoid loneliness.
Catalysing action:
An innovation and spread fund to:
- stimulate innovation;
- provide seed funding for communities;
- scale up and spread promising approaches.
The Commission also said it is not just for central government. There is also a role for:
- metro mayors and council leaders;
- public sector leaders;
- business leaders and employers;
- community and voluntary
There’s a lot more we need to learn about how exactly to do it, and we need to keep up the current growth in research on loneliness. Nevertheless – as I hope this essay has shown – we already have many good ideas that we should be getting on with now.
Notes
[i] Department for Digital, Culture, Media & Sport (2021) ‘Community Life Survey, Annex C’, www.gov.uk/government/statistics/community-life-survey-202021-annexes/annex-c-current-government-surveys-with-available-loneliness-data
[ii] Sport England (2021) ‘Active Lives: Children and Young People Survey Academic year 2020-21’, www.sportengland.org/know-your-audience/data/active-lives?section=overview, Slide 34.
[iii] The Jo Cox Foundation (2017) (2017) ‘Combatting loneliness one conversation at a time: A call to action’, Jo Cox Commission on Loneliness, www.jocoxfoundation.org/loneliness_commission
[iv] Yang, K., Petersen, K.J. and Qualter, P. (2020) ‘Undesirable social relations as risk factors for loneliness among 14-year-olds in the UK: Findings from the Millennium Cohort Study’, International Journal of Behavioral Development, 46(1), https://doi.org/10.1177/0165025420965737
[v] Qualter, P., Hennessey, A., Yang, K., Chester, K.L., Klemera, E. and Brooks, F. (2021) ‘Prevalence and social inequality in youth loneliness in the UK’, International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(19): 10420.
[vi] Shaw, B., Watson, B., Frauendienst, B., Redecker, A., Jones, T. and Hillman, M. (2012) Children’s Independent Mobility: A Comparative Study in England and Germany (1971–2010), London: Policy Studies Institute.
[vii] Marquez, J., Goodfellow, C. , Hardoon, D., Inchley, J., Leyland, A. H. , Qualter, P., Simpson, S.A. and Long, E. (2022) ‘Loneliness in young people: A multilevel exploration of social ecological influences and geographic variation’, Journal of Public Health, https://research.manchester.ac.uk/en/publications/loneliness-in-young-people-a-multilevel-exploration-of-social-eco
[viii] Hennessey, A., Qualter, P. and Humphrey, N. (2021) ‘The impact of Promoting Alternative Thinking Strategies (PATHS) on loneliness in primary school children: Results from a randomized controlled trial in England’, Frontiers in Education, 6, www.frontiersin.org/article/10.3389/feduc.2021.791438
[ix] Haugen, F. (2021) ‘Formal meeting (oral evidence session): Draft Online Safety Bill, 25 October 2021’, https://committees.parliament.uk/event/5594/formal-meeting-oral-evidence-session
[x] Harford, T. (2022) ‘The high price society pays for social media’, Financial Times, www.ft.com/content/a81ad7f0-37be-49f1-a7ac-f0e4c57c4342
[xi] Dibb, B. and Foster, M. (2021) ‘Loneliness and Facebook use: The role of social comparison and rumination’, Heliyon, 7(1): e05999.
[xii] van Gerwe, J. and Haerkens, K. (2022) Making an Impact for Young People, Join Us, https://northsearegion.eu/media/21162/mid-term-conference-eindversie-jolanda.pdf